The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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