Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
