I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
