3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
