And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
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I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
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Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
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I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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