I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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