I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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