I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
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Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
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My penis needs a shock collar
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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