At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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