Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize