Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Too much gin, very little bucket
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
