What did we do last night that was yellow?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I love having hate sex.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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