My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I need water and some morals
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
