No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
