oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
