my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
