your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
