You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow