Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?