i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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