No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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