looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
