How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
