rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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