I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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