seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
