If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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