so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
