the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
