rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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