Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
