Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
