On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
