He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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