If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
