I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
