I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
