I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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