I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
