Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
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I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
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He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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