Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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