Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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