All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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