I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
