so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You are the jesus of drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize