I cannot find my penis.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
