like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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