I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
