EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
