At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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