I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
