Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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