kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The cops high fived after they tackled you
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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