Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
