The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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