i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
