uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
