Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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