Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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