so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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