youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
