Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
