Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
