I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im holly from the hills drunk
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
