where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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