all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
