just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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