It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
