My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Drunk is not a location!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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