drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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