If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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