Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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