just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
