Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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