ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Duck Duck Cougar?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
