Kiss
Puke
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
