i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
