We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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