omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
