Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
