you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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